hate to disappoint

Two weeks ago I had my hair cut. Needless to say, Shaun (my hairdresser) made me look and feel gorgeous. Indeed, I seemed to get more attention than usual (what "usual" attention?), including attention from one customer at work who I find particularly "interesting" (his arms are covered in sleeves -that is, his arms are so covered in tattoos that it looks as if he is wearing a "sleeved" shirt). This week, having caught a cold from the subject referred to in my previous post (I guess it wasn't a feeling of euphoria, but the transmission of a virus), I stumbled into work with my hair pointing every which way, my black framed glasses on, and tending to a red bulbous nose rubbed raw by kleenex tissues. I felt as if everyone was disappointed in my appearance, having come down from a flashy haircut and contact lenses to matted hair and nerd-glasses. This feeling that I had dissapointed others is one of the things that causes me anxiety when I lose weight or alter my appearance. This feeling is also one which causes me to behave as if I am embarrased when people compliment me. I feel as though a decline in my appearance is impending and unavoidable, and when it happens, people will see me for who I am, whatever that is.
I'm often quite critical of people who look as though they've put a lot of effort into their appearance. What are they trying to hide, and why are they trying to maintain such a facade. It's not as if good looks and a neat appearance reveal a person's quality, however anyone wants to defines human "quality". I want to believe that people understand that a beautiful person is not necessarily an interesting person, nor a kind person, nor an intelligent person. Still, it is hard to swallow such a maxim when people seem to treat you with more deference when you look good, and with less when you look like a troll. I'm no saint. Subconsciously and part consciously, I can't help but want to be near people who I find to be attractive and beautiful. When I become the attractive object, though, I only feel happy and confident for a second, and then I start to feel so artificial. It makes me want to scrub the makeup off my face.