It's a Couples world

So, I've been to a slew of parties recently and I've noticed that most of them have become couples-centered events. WIth the exception of myself and 2 guys I suspect are gay, everyone is paired off. I was at Rich's Christian Slater retrospective and I left abruptly because all of a sudden I began feeling really depressed. And now I realize why. It's Christmas, and I am, in essence, an orphan -I don't talk to my parents or my sister and I have no extended family in this country. I'm so lonely, and this loneliness is irritated by the sight of everyone's coupling. Aaron and I are the only singles and we're not interested in dating each other. Do you know how lame it is to sit at a party by yourself, surrounded by people who are either holding hands or cuddling up to their loved one. And then there's fat, dumpy me, with homemade bangs and a sour expression on my face wondering why I feel so shitty all of a sudden. I'm happy for Parm and Rich. God knows they were both single for a long time and deserve someone special. It's just hard when I I have no comrades. You're isolated and constantly confronted with that which you lack/are denied. I know I'm being neurotic but I can't hep but wonder: Is it me? What's so wrong with me? Am I too fat, too tall, to loud, to open-minded, not feminine, not sweet, not Indie enough? Do I smell? Is it because I'm snooty, or because I have a sharp tongue? Maybe it's because I'm a depressive and therefore high-maintenance. Who wants to deal with that? Nobody, that's who. Yeah, I'll admit it, I feel jealous. But I want to stress that jealousy is the minor emotion here. I mostly just feel sad and lonely; an outcast of a group I once felt very much a part of. I don't miss Christian, but at the same time I can't find a substitute, not even in my fantasy life. The boy who dumped me is the closest I get to romance right now. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. I think I'm going to skip Twistmas Eve and New Years this year - I don't want to be bombarded by all the couples and their love. And who needs a miserly Grinch in their mist on Christmas, anyways. At least I know why I'm so bitchy lately, and that's a start.